One of those days

Today I am missing Vanessa like crazy. I couldn't tell you what specifically brings these bouts on, but today it is pretty rough. I have been thinking about her all day, a lot of times on the verge of tears. I keep thinking about us dancing in our rooms late at night, or when we would write each other on facebook while sitting next to each other, or how we would laugh over the stupidest things, or how Vanessa found lots of things that I said really funny that no one else would. I wear a bracelet everyday with a V on it to feel like I have a little bit of her with me at all times, and as nice as that is, I am really wanting Vanessa around today. I want to tell her a bedtime story or sing her a song to whatever genre of music she decides. I want to jump on her in her bed and just lay on her until she complains enough that I get off. I wish she was around to talk about boys with, and to discuss my future and all of the crazy decisions I have to make in my life. I would love to hear all about her mission and see how much she had grown and see her be the best elementary school teacher in the world. I am still a little sad that when I am married with children, we won't be able to have our children be friends, and I wish that Vanessa would be here to meet my husband and give me her approval. It's hard when I see things and think, "that would be a perfect present for Vans" or when I hear something funny and want to immediately tell her.

Love you forever Vans. Just wanted you to know that I miss you and think about you all the time. You definitely made me a better person and I could never have imagined a better friendship than the one that we have.

Doubts

A few weeks ago in fast and testimony meeting, a man that I did not expect wisdom to come from gave me something to really think about. He started by talking about how he plays Dungeons and Dragons and how he compared himself to his characters because they worshipped God and he would try to see who worshipped God better....needless to say, it was a rough start to a testimony. All I could do was inwardly roll my eyes and brace myself for anything else that could possibly come out of his mouth....because it could have been anything. He surprised me when he started talking about doubts. He then said something that I will hopefully never forget, he said, "I have learned that when I have doubts, to doubt the doubts before doubting the church". That really resonated with me. This is such a great way to look at the doubts that come into our mind for whatever reason. Why not doubt the doubts rather than first doubting the church and it's teachings?

Decisions, decisions

Next year I may be attending the U or Utah State getting a 2nd Bachelors in Music. It feels even closer because I just sent in my applications, fees and all, to both institutions. Applying to school again feels odd, but I'm excited for the future. I have really missed school. The learning, the atmosphere, and strangely the homework!

I am also debating between working EFY again next summer and serving a performing mission in Nauvoo next summer.

So many choices. Anyone have an 8 ball I could borrow to make all these life changing decisions?!

Boy Language vs. Girl Language

Boy Language:
"Wanna go out this weekend"
translation: "Wanna go out this weekend"

Girl Language:
"Sorry, I can't"
translation: "I don't want to go out with you"
"Sorry, I can't, but let's do something some other time (or any variation of this)"
translation: "I would love to but I really can't this weekend"

I'm sorry boys, but girls are a lot more complicated than you. You need to learn girl language if you want to not be completely frustrated in dating. We know that you just mean what you say, but we say things thinking the implication is clear, when usually it's not. I have realized that I often speak girl expecting boys to get it, and after chatting with my brother and dad last night I realize that I may just have to hit boys over the head to let them know if i'm interested/not interested.

Tip for boys: If a girl says she is busy more than 2 times without offering to reschedule, just drop it. It's her way of 'nicely' letting you down. After 4 times, it's just rough on both of you.